The One About Having Bionic Parts

I am torn lately between the zen of running in the Fall and dealing with the stress of having elderly parents that are starting to need care.  Not in the sense of disease, thank goodness, but just in the general demise of my parent's bodies.  My mother just recently underwent her second hip replacement.  My father, who is one year out of having a five inch rod put in his back with screws to hold together his spinal column is currently undergoing a procedure to repair a torn meniscus and getting cortisone injections to put off his first hip replacement.  It is really not fun to watch at all.  It is, as a matter of fact painful to be around them.
I just signed up for a marathon.  The first of what I hope to be a three marathon year.  I will be running Little Rock, Arkansas in early March.  So I have started training again and I must say that October in Richmond has never been better.  Full on foliage beauty.  It is a sight to behold the awesome colors and smells of a cool crisp fall running day with temperatures in the low 50's, lots of sunshine and low humidity.  It is truly a runners dream and when I have a bad run, I just don't care because any run on a day like this is sooooo much better than no run at all.  Today I put this idea to the test because instead of going for a run today, I went to see my parents.  My Mom has really no energy and has not gotten dressed in 14 days.  She refuses to take her pain medication so she is really suffering through the pain unnecessarily and she really lacks the discipline to do her exercises.  And I am talking flexing the foot, not squats.  She is still using her walker and has not gotten outside to walk except when her PT forces her.  Yet she is convinced that she can go on a trip in February that would involve tons of walking.  I, of course feel really bad for my Mom.  She is a tough person.  She is very lucky that she has lived this long with just hip replacements.  She has done some amazing things in her life - not one of them physical but that's o.k.  Or is it?  I think sometimes, I don't let her off the hook because she cannot push herself in any physical manner.  She just cannot do it.  I think I run marathons because I don't want to end up like my mother.  Yet, my Dad, who has been physical most of his life, is in the same condition - maybe worse.  Of course, his choice of physical exercise was golf - which I am sure one could argue that he was getting a workout - but you would have to really convince me.  I think that he always dreamed of doing lots of hiking and walking and fun active trips but Mom never wanted to do any of those things.
So my question to myself and to everyone out there is this...should I feel guilty for feeling so bad about my parents situation?  Is it wrong to be so depressed after visiting them and seeing them so feeble and old?  Is it wrong to really just not want to go back because it makes me so sad?  Am I the worst daughter ever?
I think that the best thing I can do is to go for a run.  I cannot change them, I can only take what I have from this experience and apply it to myself so that I don't end up in the same situation.  My running partner and I talk all the time about how we want to die.  At the finish line when they give us the medal.  A heart exploding after a marathon is fine by me.  Seems strange to some but that would really make me happy.  And, as I have observed from my parents, I would really like to go with all of my parts if I am so lucky.  My Dad always asks me - "How long you think those knees of yours are going to last with all that running?"  I always want to say - probably longer than yours old man. Not very respectful I know.  But you know as I was riding in the car with my Dad today he said something that reminded me of myself.  He said - you know, I would just like to go on a total health kick and see if I can get off all of my medications.  I was so impressed with him.  And my Mom, who has been overweight all of her life has lost 18 pounds this past year.  Without any physical exercise at all.  These two people are 71 years old.  And they are changing or at least trying to change their lives.  They have not given up on trying to be healthier.  Those two things make me think that we all have struggles, we all have demons.  Yet, we all have successes and we all have abilities to do better.  I have always wanted them to think of me as a hero - someone who inspires them and drives them to change their lives by watching me change mine.  It seems as if I have overlooked a couple of heroes of my own. It would seem that I learned what I needed to learn from them.  That my drive and desire to be healthier happens because of them, not in spite of them.