The One About the 50 Miler

So I need a big goal.  A really big goal.  The reason I need a really big goal is because I typically use my really big goals to avoid the most immediate, important and should really be working on goals.  I usually feel that if I can work on a really big goal, the more important goals will either solve themselves or go away or at the very least, I will feel that those immediate goals are not nearly as important as my really big goal.  I think this might be similar to the definition of insanity which I keep coming back to, pretty often as it turns out.  Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.  I ran 3 marathons that way.  The fourth one, I finally did the miles and the hard work and voila- shaved 30 minutes off of my time.  I was still injured and not showing any significant weight loss but I did at the very least, work really hard on getting my miles in.
What is the really big goal?  What are the most immediate goals?  Well, I'll tell you.  The really big goal is that I want to run a 50 mile race. A real, authentic endurance run.  One with trails and rivers and rocks and some bad ass ratings.  The immediate goals are not nearly so exciting or sexy.  In fact, they are downright unsexy.  I need to lower my blood pressure by quite a bit and I need to reduce my waist circumference by at least 10 inches.  God how middle age is that?  I am fast approaching my 44th birthday (which gives me only one year left to qualify for Boston, which means that in a year, I may have to rename my blog:/) and for those of you that don't know I have already gone through menopause. I completed my long ass fertility journey three years ago.  Yes that's young and yes it was a surprise and yes it was a complete bummer.  But alas, I have made some peace with it or at least I thought I had until I  went to the minute clinic at CVS to have my blood drawn by a skinny ass nurse practitioner.  She was totally nice and supportive during the whole procedure.  Of course I did this to avoid going to my regular Doctor.  I knew my numbers would be a total disaster but I needed to know and I needed to know immediately because I had been putting it off.  I decided that I should go with the urge to know so in a valiant effort on my part to start managing what I measured, I boldly went in to have my finger pricked.  So I was totally suprised at some of the information.  I am going to share some totally personal information so that in order to get it all out there, I never, ever, ever have to say these numbers again and I become somewhat accountable to you.
Cholesterol:  198 - HDL 66, LDL 132, Tryglicerides, 53
Blood Pressure :  154/98
Resting Heart Rate - 49
Glucose - 78
Waist Circumference - 41
Weight - 196
Height - 5'4
BMI - 36 - obese

The glucose and the cholesterol were fine.  She would like to see the LDL under 100 but was not totally unhappy with the overall number.  The triglicerides were really good and she thought that was a direct link to my running.  My blood pressure totally sucks and that rate has put me in Stage 1 Hypertension which means I need medication.  My resting heart rate is that of an elite athlete (yeah) and I couldn't improve that any more if I tried.  My glucose was great which makes me extremely happy considering I had gestational diabetes and would do almost anything to avoid taking insulin ever again.  My waist measurement was devastating and I knew that my stomach was pushing maximum density (at times I felt my gut was pushing out past my enormous boobs!) but I still can recall my awesomely slim and svelte 27 inch waist of yore.  My BMI is not a suprise to me, nor was my weight, albeit not something I have wanted to deal with at all - shocking I know.  I have been in the obese BMI range for many many years now - even when I was 25 pounds less than I am now, the range on that thing is not very forgiving and I need to weigh what I weighed before I was married to get into the healthy range.

So what was really depressing to me though and downright scary was the blood pressure.  She urged my to call my doctor and start medication right away.   Not just because of the threat of a massive coronary event or because I could stroke out at any minute (although definitely a possibility for me) but because of the organ damage I am doing from carrying too much pressure in my veins. She also told me this was a direct result of menopause (also, my waist measurement was menopausal). I begged her for two months. Two months to lower the number and to whittle away at my waist which is a direct link to my blood pressure.  I absolutely must lower these two numbers.  10 inches, 20 pounds and ten points on my blood pressure at least.  No ifs ands or buts.  Those are the numbers that need to be seen by Thanksgiving.
So I came home and immediately looked up endurance runs.  I searched all day for my next big race.  The one that would set me on my goals.  I can't do an endurance run being all fat and out of shape.  Those people have great BMI's and blood pressures.  But here's the rub - you can do those things fat.  It's hard but I have done four marathons while sitting in the obese BMI range.
The endurance race is not going to get me there.  So I signed up for Weight Watchers.  I have given into the fact that I must be write down every single thing I eat.  I need to count calories.  I need to weigh and measure my food.  I am 100% interested in nutrition and fuel and veggies and veganism and micro nutrients and phyto nutrients and sustainable, organic farming and all those things.  But really what I need to be interested in is how many calories am I putting in my body and how many calories am I burning every single day.  I need to be all biggest loser, not ultra marathon woman right now.  I cannot look at the next big deal in order to forego the hard work.  I cannot maintain this denial about how I look and now how my body is reacting to my weight.  I must do the work.  I must relish the process and I must throw my heart and soul into it.  I have said this before and now I must say it again, I must be relentless in my pursuit of health.  If I don't, I will just be a middle aged, post menopausal, obese, blood pressure medicine taking marathoner.  That's not good enough for me.  But I still will be signing up for that race in Georgia for next October!