The One About Jacobellis

God I love the Olympics.  I mean I really love the Olympics.  I am a sucker for the winter, summer, all of them - almost any sport.  I loosely attach my affections to curling (strange sport - and those pants...) but regardless, I try to at least respect the tradition and team sport aspect and the fact that it is still an Olympic sport.  One of the things that I love most about the Olympics is that the athletes have to work for years to make the team and then they get one shot at a medal.  I cannot even imagine the pressure that they are under to succeed.  All of the sacrifice and the cost, financial and otherwise, from not only the athletes themselves but their families and coaches and trainers.  All of those people have something vested in these people and have attached themselves to them in order to be part of the ride.
As a marathon runner I take nothing for granted.  I realize everyday that Honey Bunny works hard and allows me to stay at home and train constantly year round.  I understand that I miss things that are important to little honey bunny as well as my Mom and Dad and Honey Bunny's Mom and Dad.  I understand that many of my friends do not get that I spend my time running and training and recovering.  I know that when I say no to things or when I have to ask them to work around my running schedule, they don't always like it.  I can appreciate the fact that it takes a village to get me to the starting line.  I would like to say that honestly, I carry all of these people with me during a race.  In all brutal honesty though, when I cross a finish line, it is all about me.  All of my sacrifice and hard work and sweat and pain is realized in that moment, not anyone else's. I work hard all year trying to get that feeling because to be quite honest, I am just a bitch without it.  Ask Honey Bunny.  I am much nicer and calmer and happier and fulfilled the day of my long run.  Usually, even if it sucked, the running buzz heals all wounds.  Which is why the Olympics moves me and continues to inspire me.
Last night I was watching the women's snowboard cross finals and I watched in about five seconds into the run, Lindsey Jacobellis went out of bounds and stumbled and just like that was disqualified.  I mean just like that, she was done.  Two years of hard work and this was supposed to be her redemption win and she didn't get it.  All gone - buh bye.  You know what she said?  "It's not the end of the world."
Um excuse me - YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?  You spend all this time competing, getting in shape, training, sacrificing, sweating, crying, screaming, spitting, and all you can say is it's not a big deal.  If I were her mother I would be a hot mess right now.  I know most people are applauding her for having some perspective but for gosh sake's girl - get your act together and at least act like you are pissed or sad or bummed or something!!
When I watched her go down last night I was right there with her.  I got the whole DNF thing and it took me back to a time when I was really really disappointed.  In everything.  My actions, my performance, my response, my body, my mind, my successful running friends, my training, EVERYTHING.  Every element that went in to my DNF I was pissed.  No, it wasn't the end of the world for me and I was not on International TV.  But I did have people counting on me.  And I was embarrassed to have to tell everyone what happened.
As I have started to train again for Flying Pig, things have been creeping into my mind.  We have had tons of snow and ice and yucky weather which has put a big pin in some of my running so it has been slow going wrapping my brain around getting outside for 13 and 14 mile runs.  I realize that as much as I would like to put last Fall behind me I can't.  It is out there and it will always be there.  I want redemption in May to prove to myself that my last run was not a DNF.  I want to prove to all my peeps that I can do this.  I have to prove to myself that I can. I know this was going through Jacobellis's mind at the top of the mountain.  If something happens that I can't control in May and I don't finish I am going to be pissed.  No big deal does not apply to me.  Not the end of the world?  Go away bad dream.