Last night I was talking on the phone with one of my best friends ever "L". She asked me how was I going to lose the weight. Do I have a plan? Well of course I have a plan. I have had a plan for the last 8 years. My issue is not what is my plan - but putting that plan into place. I remember Oprah saying something like "It's not about the weight - it is what the weight represents. And if you are not willing to do the work you will not be successful." Now before I go knocking Oprah - let me just say that while I feel for her being in the situation she is again- Oprah has actually had more weight loss success than I have. She also ran a four and one half hour marathon. So no bustin on my girl 'cause as far as I am concerned she has done what I have not. So here is my diet history - it is shorter than some and longer than others but I will go over it anyway, more for my sake than yours.
My first diet was Weight Watchers. Good ole, trustworthy, always reliable and completely proven Weight Watchers. I really think this is a great organization. They have three things going for them. Accountability, Journaling and Motivation. Their point system is just a fancy way of counting calories. You still have to measure, you still have to weigh and you still have to count. It just doesn't seem as daunting or as mundane. And 25 points sounds much better than 1300 calories. But you are still eating just 1300 calories. If you like going to the meetings and hearing every one's weekly story and struggles and victories and this motivates you to do a better job then by all means go. Have a sit and a listen. For me I hated it. I found that every week everyone was talking about the same thing. I did like the meeting leader - she was pretty and spunky and skinny and I wanted to be her. But it was not enough to keep me there. So I tried their brand new (at the time) online system. This worked really well for me and I lost my first significant amount of weight - about 24 pounds. I kept it off until I became pregnant. All bets were off after pregnancy. This brings me to my second diet while I was pregnant. As I mentioned previously I had gestational diabetes. And I had it bad. I like to say I had a double helping of diabetes because I was immediately put on a very restrictive diet and insulin. I gave myself shots in the stomach and the fingers all day long. I carried a timer around my neck that went off every ninety minutes so I would remember to eat. Now when I say restrictive, it was only restrictive in the carb sense. I actually had to eat around 2400 calories every day. I actually mean Had to. Once you go on insulin if you don't eat properly there is that coma problem or blackout issue that will creep up on you. No good. So I ate and ate and ate all day long. I would eat EXACTLY what the dietitian told me to eat. My snack would be 1/2 an apple and three cheese crackers. For lunch I would often count out 14 goldfish with my sandwich. I had a food scale and various measuring cups and spoons. I didn't write a thing down but every morsel that entered my mouth was a precise carb and calorie count. I didn't gain anything during the last three months of my pregnancy. Only my baby grew. I have never before or ever sense stuck to a diet as religiously as that one. I was scared and my motherly instincts took over. Isn't it a shame that I can do that for my son and I can't do it for myself? Wait for it - I see the light bulb going off....Isn't this the biggest issue of all for most women......OMG this will totally be an entry later.
O.K. back to the diet history. So I have my baby and he has some health issues when he is born (ironically these had nothing to do with my health but of course being the Mom I took on all of the guilt). So I was stressed and I had a sick new born and then he was healthy and I was relieved and then I brought him home and then he cried. He screamed and screamed for five months. Honey Bunny and I were living in New York alone. We knew no one and nobody cared that we were ignorant parents with no family to help us. This would be my third diet. This was the wine and breastfeeding diet. This diet was the most successful of my dieting career. I actually lost all of my baby weight in six months. Before everyone calls the CPS after me - I was very,very careful about pumping and nursing and drinking. I was very efficient at getting it all done right. If only I had applied those calculations to my calories I would have been much healthier. As it was I didn't and I wasn't.
A year later we move back to Virginia - thank God. Family and friends surrounded us. We were back in the South. I wasn't pregnant, my son was sleeping through the night - sort of. And I got fat again. What the hell is that horrible connection between fat and happy? UGGGGGHHHHH. Actually I stopped breast feeding was the big problem. But I still had my wine. So I toyed with about 8 to 10 other diets. This was really the big era of the protein diets so I tried them all. Bought the book. Bought the food. Did the diet. For about a day. Really. Each diet was about a day. So I thought to myself, self...you should try a really big financial commitment and order your food in a box through the mail and eat that. So I did. For about two weeks. Let me just say that I really find food in a box that is not refrigerated particularly revolting. What the hell is in that stuff? Yuck yuck yuck,YUCK!! I shouldn't be such a snob but one of the wonderful qualities that I have is that I am actually a very good cook. You can ask most people - they like my cooking. And I love to cook. I love to cook for my family and my friends and I do it to show them love and I feel loved when they love my cooking. So I know this line is also screaming at you - don't think I don't know that this is an issue. Probably to be addressed again at a later time.
After that I started exercising and just gave up on the diet. I actually used exercising as a way to avoid dieting. I thought I could get away with tons of working out and not eating salads. It kind of worked. I stayed off anti depressants and felt good in my skin and I felt fit and healthy. Which is really a killer shot for your self esteem. I think every woman and man out there and then tack on the kids should have exercise added to their daily routine. If you are feeling better about yourself you are going to spend less time screaming at your kids, spouse, friends, employees, people on the street, etc. Truly - can almost guarantee it.
So I didn't lose any weight but I didn't gain much either. Just stayed the same. Until I started trying to have another baby. When it didn't happen after two years and tons of drugs I started eating to kill the pain of failure. I knew it was my fault and I knew it was the weight and I just couldn't lose it. This turned out to not be the case at all. I was actually in early menopause and there wasn't a doctor out there that would diagnose me properly. SO as I watched my chances of growing my family disappear I was devastated. I actually ran the Marathon to deal with my fertility or lack there of. It helped and I did lose about 12 pounds but I was really doing everything I was supposed to be doing while training. I ate right and drank tons of water and didn't drink a lot of wine and I went to bed early. Let me just say that even though I wasn't at my ideal weight I had the best sleep and sex of my entire life during this period. I was in total awe of my body and what I was accomplishing and the look of my body did change which Honey Bunny liked and I liked. Honey Bunny is so sweet he likes me anyway but the important thing was how I felt and how I felt I looked. It doesn't matter if you weigh 200 pounds - if you just ran 18 friggin miles no matter how slow - you are a total bad ass. This could be TMI for some of you but honestly - what woman doesn't want better sleep or better sex? Or you guys ?
Gotcha there. Have I made my diet plan for the next four years? Of course...is it new or different? Does it include a magic pill? Is my plan a diabolical one to get you hooked on my blog and then promise to help you lose those annoying 20 pounds? No not so much. It is not new. I am in the process of designing it using all of the knowledge from my previous diets as well as the advice and information from friends who have successfully lost weight and kept it off. I am running, on January 11, the Disney Marathon so when I return that next week I will be kicking my new plan into high gear and I will let you know every step of the way what and how I am doing. The formula that I am looking for will be one that allows me to train and lose weight at the same time. My pickle is that I can't really cut many calories when training but I do need to cut calories to lose weight. My body will not lose weight at 2000 calories but I do have a hard time running long distances on 1300. So somewhere in between is the answer. Since my journey is in two parts - losing weight and running fast, tomorrow I will share with you my exercise history. It is actually quite hilarious and not nearly so painful as my diet history. Probably should be prepared for TMI again.
Happy Running,
Sarah
1 comment:
Testing, testing ...
(Hey, nice tattoo!)
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