So I am opening up my Shape Magazine and flipping ahead to the usual articles, the ones that I look to provide me with the inspiration I need to get my ass in gear and move ahead with some of my goals. I love the Shape Reader Success Stories - love them!! Then my next favorite is the journalist that they pick to journey with over the entire year. I have found that these stories are way more realistic and I identify with the good, the bad and the ugly parts of their struggles. So imagine my surprise and delight when I actually KNEW the editor in residence this year!! It is my good friend from Charlottesville, Jennifer Barnett. Now let me just share some things with you about this awesome girl that I remember. First of all, one time, we all went tubing down the James River and this chic shows up in some awesome platform sandals, jumps in her intertube and floats down the River laughing and smiling the whole way. Then I remember a picture of her in her office as Carmen Miranda with the fruit bowl and everything...LOVE IT. There are numerous stories of her fabulousness but one memory I will always have is that when we were in New York and little honey bunny was in the NICU and very ill, she came to see me and not only did she come to see me but she went to the hospital and came in with me to see my baby. It was very special for me and I will always treasure that moment. So our lives have evolved and through the magic of Facebook, come together again and she is busy with her own family and work but when I see her in the magazine in all of her beautiful gloriousness, I can't help but get a little emotional and feel like I must somehow take this journey with her.
The end of last year was very tough for me. I had my very first DNF at the Marathon in November. This was every bit of humiliating and embarrassing as you might think. It was an awful end to a very stressful and very difficult training season. The other thing that happened was I did not get my annual period in December. The definition of menapause is one year without menustration. I would have a period once a year - usually in December. I would hold onto this one period because it gave me hope that I could still get pregnant - no matter how slim the chance it gave me a shred to hold onto. So when December came and went - so did my hope. It was very, very, very difficult and sad. I was really really sad. So during this time I went on a bender. And I mean a bender. I ate. I drank. I didn't exercise. I didn't run. I gained 15 pounds. Fifteen pounds in two months. So I started running again and dieting again because nothing fit. I was using body glide to get into my regular pants - not my running pants so I knew something had to happen. I got a Body Bugg from Honey Bunny for Christmas which is a great tool but I can't seem to survive on 1500 calories - STARVING. So I dieted for three weeks, worked out twice a day, sometimes three and lost 2 pounds. Ridiculous.
I eat my emotions. I eat when I am sad and I eat when I am bored. I eat when I am happy and I eat to celebrate. I feel like I deserve some things - no matter what it is and I feel like it should be food. So this year - starting now, I will write my emotions instead of eating them. Look out - could be ugly - could be painful - could be a train wreck - could be more than you want to know about me. What am I doing in the meantime about the food? I am detoxing. I am very drawn to the world of organic juicing, whole, clean foods, raw eating and just plain healthy diets. I love to read about nutrition and getting the most bang for my buck. I love health food stores and vegetable aisles. I don't really like eating them but it has gotten to the point that I know I will not feel good until I am consuming them daily. And believe me, I don't feel good right now. I am not sleeping well, I have stomach pains daily. My digestion is not optimal - Dr. Oz would have a field day with me. I have heart burn and muscle aches all the time. This has to stop. I am in really great shape as far as my exercise habits. I work out all the time. I can run marathons (last November aside) and my outsides need to match my insides. Due to the premature menapause, my blood pressure is up and my cholesterol is borderline high. I need to look at my overall health picture and really think about how I want to live the next 20 years.
So, along with my good friend Jennifer, join me in this journey. My goal is that no one be disappointed when we get to the finish.
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